Comical ‘Wake Up Early’ Advice That Does Jack Sh*t for Anybody

comical wake up early advice

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how to wake up early.

Mainly because I’ve been struggling to do it myself and would like to figure out how to ‘crack the code.’

But also because I’ve been reading a lot of poppycock around the web about how to do it. Poppycock that just so happens to be featured on some of the most reputable websites in the world.

Here are a few such pieces of comical ‘wake up early’ advice that do jack sh*t for most everyone reading it:

  1. Set an alarm (what a profound idea!)
  2. Make your bed (and Dutch oven your partner, too?)
  3. Rely on caffeine (gotta get to the kitchen first)
  4. Take a cold shower (same idea as the kitchen)
  5. Eat a healthy breakfast (I don’t wanna eat yet)
  6. Go to bed earlier (tried, failed, kept sleeping)
  7. Say ‘no’ to the snooze button (srsly, wtf?)

I’m especially offended by that last one: “Say ‘no’ to the snooze button.” That’s like telling someone to avoid swimming if they’re looking for ways to not get wet…

Anyway, if you’re really struggling to wake up early (and then stay up), advice like this is laughable, at best. Most likely, you’re looking for advice on how to wake up early because none of that crap worked in the first place.

Well, I’m here to tell you… nothing new, actually.

I’m still trying figuring this out myself.

But as I do, I promise you’ll be the first to learn about it.

And who knows…

We may both become early birds, after all.

Here’s to hopin’ 🤞


And when you’re ready 👇👇

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